Bringing the "Ope." Hope Through Coping

Tree of Life

Life happens to the best of us!  How we respond to it determines how we will navigate future circumstances, challenges, losses and changes.  How do you manage the stressors of everyday life?  How do you handle loss?  If we are honest with ourselves, it's difficult at times.  If you have children, how do your children deal with stress or sadness? Stress, sadness, depression and grief do not discriminate based on age, gender or race. There is hope for navigating life's journey and it can be found in healthy coping.  

Personally, I confess, there have been times when I had no clue how to handle the personal losses and stressors in my life!  I am the queen of juggling acts. However, things became chaotic when graduate school met full-time job, when part-time work was introduced to homework, and friends and family weren't forgiving of my absence from social events.  After several significant losses piled up from childhood to adulthood, I searched high and low for ways to survive.  I learned coping skills, which thrust me out of survival and into living mode!  Are you wondering what coping skills are now?

Coping
What are coping skills?  Coping skills are specific efforts, both behavioral and psychological, that people do to manage, tolerate, reduce, or minimize stressful events.  There is no one way to cope with stress or grief.  Some people have found the things listed below to be helpful in coping during stressful time or during the grief process. These items may be listed on a dry erase board, construction paper or some other visual aid as a reminder of what can be done.  It's been said that people are more likely to succeed at the things they put in writing! Hint. Hint.

Talk to family or friends Seek counseling Read poetry or books Engage in social activities Exercise/jog/walk Eat healthy foods Draw or make something special Play with a pet

Seek spiritual support Take time to relax Join a support group Be patient with yourself Let yourself feel grief Paint "hope" rocks!  Listen to music Scrapbook Dance

Journal/Video journal Play with soft toy Blow bubbles Send a note to heaven Put together a puzzle Build something with Play- Dough Ask for a hug from someone you trust Cry

Coping Kit

The cherry on top of a sundae is a coping kit!  I've spent a few years working with children and adults in the human services field and counseling.  Let me just tell you, coping kits can be a life saver literally!  Making a coping doesn't require much effort and it can be fun with a little creativity.  For all those interested, I've provided some guidance below on how to create a coping kit.

A shoe box or wooden craft box will work best and allow for creativity in personalizing it! This kit will allow persons to keep items that can help them cope with overwhelming emotions.  Some of the following items can be used: construction/brown wrapping paper, scissors, glue, stickers, photos, magazine pictures, glitter, flowers and etc.

When decorating the box, think about what calms you down.  If you don’t know what calms you, test out some of the suggestions mentioned above.  Also, discussing ideas with friends and family is a great place to start too! Once you figure out what is most comforting or calming for you, then you can build your box. The contents of the box should be age appropriate. Suggestions for items to put in the coping skills box:

Stress ball 
Bubbles
Crayons/markers
Pens/pencils
Coping Skills Flashcards
Music (iPod/MP3 player/CD)
Puzzle or coloring book
Positive written affirmations
Journal or mini notebook
Cards/stationary for letter writing
Coloring book/sketch pad
Positive self improvement books
Photos/pictures that are calming
Personalized deck of playing cards
Written safety plan of contact numbers

The box pictured is a grief coping kit.  It was created for children and adolescents but adults could totally enjoy some of the things in this box.  Items in the coping kit should be based on the context of what the user needs at the time.  For the adults that may read this, it's okay to whip out some Play Dough!

A grief coping kit may be helpful, for some people, to manage the emotions associated with their loss.  However, on the grief journey we remember those we love who have died.  Remembering our loved ones isn't always easy or pretty.  I can say that it hasn't always been easy for me.  But, if we are lucky enough to have a few good memories, those we cherish deeply, we must handle them with care. I consider myself to be sentimental and creative!  After my most recent loss of my maternal grandfather in the fall of 2013, my coping skills kicked into overdrive.  Making a memory box was one of the things that I've used; hopefully, it will be helpful for others.  I've provided some guidance below on creating a memory box.

Making a Memory Box

Memory boxes are a creative way to maintain mementos and reminders about what we cherish most about those we love who've died.  During the journey, over time, grief will resolve and the memory box may be needed for less emotional support. The box below was created for display at the NBC 4 Health & Fitness Expo for the organization A Legacy Left Behind.  The following suggestions are for creating a memory box:

Container  

• Secure a safe container that you can properly store until you want to revisit your memory box. You may decorate it if you would like but it is not necessary.
• Shoebox, jewelry box, shipping box, craft box, etc.

Collection     

• Gather objects that remind you of your loved one. This will vary depending on the loss. If items are too large for your box, take a picture of the item and include the picture in your box. Some items may include but are not limited to letters, obituary, jewelry, fabric from clothing, or items that are symbolic to the loss of your loved one (i.e. Ornaments, pressed flowers, figures, etc.)

Visit

• Visit your memory box when you need some reflective time or when needed.

Share

• Tell someone you trust about what it was like for you to create your memory box. Give brief description of what some of the items in your memory box represent for you and your loved one.

Note:  An alternative to memory boxes are memory boards because they capture the sentimental memories of a loss. Memory boards can go on cardstock paper, poster board or scrapbook paper. Words, notes, images, pictures and/or crafts may be used to create your memory board.

Solid as a Rock! 

My work with C.O.P.S. Kids/Teens Program as a part of National Police Week really stirred my creativity last year.  This was a great keepsake for youth grief groups! Acrylic painted smooth stones for writing words of encouragement and a coping resource.  I allowed my group to use stickers to add words, if they didn't want to write on the stones.  Stones were painted with regular sponge brushes and acrylic paints.  After the stones were decorated I coated them with Mod Podge as a sealant.

Please feel free to leave feedback! 

 Bibliography:

Alegacyleftbehind.org,. 'A LEGACY Left Behind - Lifting Empowering Guiding Awarding & Cultivating Our Youth'. N.p., 2015. Web. 2 June 2015.

Nationalcops.org,. 'Concerns Of Police Survivors : Programs'. N.p., 2015. Web. 2 June 2015.

Taylor, Shelly. 'Macarthur SES & Health Network | Research'. Macses.ucsf.edu. N.p., 2015. Web. 2 June 2015.

Yourdictionary.com,. 'Cope Dictionary Definition | Cope Defined'. N.p., 2015. Web. 2 June 2015.

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